4 am
by you're my Star
Summary: The last thing she needs is a sunrise.


**Disclaimer:** me + degrassi no profit. no own. no sue.

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She doesn't want the sun to come up. It peers over the mountainside, she sees it begin to spill its light over the world as the rays drip down the treetops. The sun signifies happiness, a brand new day and a fresh start and all the chances that they're never going to get.

And the last thing she needs is another reminder of all they'll never have.

Smothering the world with a pillow, she buries herself in sheets and blankets and she _tries _to forget but she can't help but remember. She's supposed to be moving on and pulling herself together but she's not done breaking yet… and she's not sure she ever will be.

She's half expecting him to burst into the room and complain about how she needs to decorate. He'd always hated her pallid white walls and her distinct lack of furniture. The room has remained the same since when he'd first entered it, when she was twelve years old and they were doing a school project together. The only things that have changed are the books on the shelf and the memories caught within it's four walls.

They grew up together. Liberty, always trailing behind JT, trying to match him in wit and bravery. As a kid, she'd been a bit awed by him. He'd ignored her or avoided her for the better part of their younger years, preferring to be in the company of the prettier girls; Emma or Manny. But somewhere along the line, they'd gotten tangled up with one another, and had begun walking side by side.

For her entire life she's been with JT, and now they're not even heading in the same direction. They're not even in the same city. She's not even sure if she can even keep moving forward, period. All she wants to do is turn around, watch for him, wait for him. The thought of _without him _makes her hands shake.

Liberty gets up and crosses the room, drawing the curtains. She likes being kept inside this little room. Liberty in; world out. Alone. It's the way she should be.

Blindly walking back to her bed she lays down and stares open-eyed at the ceiling. She imagines his soft hand rubbing her back and his soft voice calming her heart and his soft words penetrating her armor. He's always been able to get through to her, even when no one else can. He's the only one that ever tried.

The sun is rising, she can see the light from behind her eyelids as it soaks through her curtains and seeps into her room. She feels caught. She's trapped in this little room, tangled in her own four AM, but it's almost five o'clock in the rest of the world now and things aren't slowing down.

Rubbing her eyes she blinks around her room and stares unthinkingly at the picture on her desk. It's one taken a few months back, of her and JT. They're caught off guard, Liberty's eyes are flitting toward the camera, a slight smile playing on her lips, and JT's staring off somewhere to the left. They could easily be strangers caught together on the bench they're sitting on by chance, but it is clear they are not. Even though they seem almost perfectly unaware of one another, there's a certain connection between them, a feeling that was strong enough not to be lost on two-dimensional paper.

JT had framed the picture and insisted on putting it on her desk. He had complained that, with its distinct lack of décor, her bedroom didn't even look lived in, and that she had a duty to show off her character. The photograph is the only burst of color in an otherwise plain room.

They were going to paint the walls together (actually, to be more specific, _he _was going to _force _her to help him paint the walls). But looking around, Liberty decides that different shades of gray suit her best, and she doesn't _have _anything to show off, especially when the best part of her was stabbed in the aorta.

With a start, Liberty realizes the sun has risen. But then, her heart falls. Because she's still in the dark.

-

**a/n: **I'm not sure how I feel about this fic, it's the first piece of writing I've finished in like two months, and doesn't seem entirely whole to me, nor do I like it as much as I like my other stuff. But I would really like your input… so please review (c'mon, I'm asking nicely).

_edit:_ added a couple of paragraphs to try and give this a little more **something**.


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